I find myself at a cross roads. I am now married and I have three boys (through adoption) and I still want to have a baby. My life is totally different but my body is also. It is 40 pounds heavier. I started to gain trying to have a baby. Not because I was pregnant but because I believed so badly that I was that I allowed myself to not exercise and eat for two and it was only one. Then every month when I learned it was only me I ate to feel better and then hoped again to be pregnant. Well mentally I am giving birth to this baby and my new health. I have three little boys, one big boy and three four legged boys who all need me and will not worry me to death. I am good looking woman and it is time for me to remind all of them of that. Plus frankly it will really piss alot of people off for me to look good and I just feel like doing that.